Thursday, January 20, 2011

From the "Western" Acolyte's Bible

It's only fair, after providing verses from the [Eastern] Acolyte's Bible, to provide quotations from the version of the Bible used by his Italian counterpart.

For I have received of the Lord that which also I delivered unto you, That the Lord Jesus the same night in which he was betrayed took bread: And when he had given thanks, he brake it, and said, Take, eat: the whole substance of the bread will be transubstantiated into the whole substance of my body, which is broken for you: this do in remembrance of me. After the same manner also he took the cup, when he had supped, saying, The whole substance of the wine will be transubstantiated into the whole substance of my blood: this do ye, as oft as ye drink it, in remembrance of me. For, only the accidents of the bread and wine will remain, and that only in appearance to your bodily senses, according to an Aristotelian paradigm that every first century Jewish fisherman, obviously, will appreciate. (Not I Corinthians 15:23-25)

And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, future Pope, and upon this rock, and all of thy successors in the See of Rome, I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. (Not Matthew 16:18)

But when Peter was come to Antioch, I withstood him to the face, because he was to be blamed; even though he was my superior, the Pontiff, the Vicar of Christ with universal authority and the Petrine charism of infallibility. I then repented my presumption and begged his indulgence (in fact, I bought one). (Not Galatians 2:11)

A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife (until somebody gets an even better idea than I have, a mere Apostle writing under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit--what does He know anyway?), vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach. (Not I Timothy 3:2)

So, go get a sense of humor already! (Maybe it will be the Baptist "Acolyte's" turn next.)


Colin Chattan said...

I particularly like Not Galatians 2:11!

AFS1970 said...

Well, you showed a great deal of restraint with "Not I Timothy 3:2" than you could have. There have been so many examples of late that make this one especially interesting.