Thursday, December 16, 2010

Verses from the "Acolyte's" Bible

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that we may debate which is the One True Church." (Not John 3:16)

"My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous: And he is the propitiation for our sins: er, that is if we believe all that stuff by Anselm." (Not I John 2:1,2)

"This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to explain the distinction between Divine Essence and Energies according to an Aristotelian paradigm." (Not I Tim. 1:15)

"When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory: And he shall set the sheep on his East hand, but the goats on the West. Then shall the King say unto them on his East hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: For ye argued well that East is East and West is West. Then shall he say also unto them on the West hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels: For ye lost the argument, and did not join the right Church. And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the smart guys into life eternal." (Not from Matthew chapter 25)

"And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, because D[ivine]E = mc^2 \,\!." (Not John 1:14)

Tomorrow I will get serious again. I promise.


Colin Chattan said...

If I may shamelessly plagiarize from Steve Martin, who shamelessly parodied Peter Sellers playing Inspector Clouseau, "Goeud one(s)"!

Anonymous said...

"See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces[a] of this world rather than on Christ, examples of the latter being found in the anti-filioquist philosophy that is rooted largely in the Neo-Neoplatonist mysticism and school of historical-cultural-theological analysis reflected in the works of + Photios "Pyramids" Farrell, the blog Engergetic Procession, and other reliable sources." (Not Colossians 2:8)


Fr. Tim said...

I remember a recent post you gave us on the numerous bible's now published which was both enlightening and humorous. However I would love to have a copy of this "Acolyte's Bible" on my shelf! This was great! Thank you Fr. Hart for making my day a little brighter! :-)

Fr. Tim Butler