Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Die, Heretic Scum!

I couldn't resist this. I've seen it before, but it just brings howls of laughter every time it turns up again.

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" he said.

I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"

He said, "Like what?"

I said, "Well, are you religious or atheist?"

He said, "Religious."

I said, "Me too! Are your Christian or Buddhist?"

He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

He said, "Protestant."

I said, "Me too! Are you Methodist or Baptist?"

He said, "Baptist!"

I said, "Wow! Me too! Are your Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

He said, "Baptist Church of God!"

I said, "Me too! Are your Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"

He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!"

I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?"

He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!"

I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.

10 comments:

Death Bredon said...

Reminds me of the rescue ship that saved a Russian man from a deserted island. The ship captain asked the man why he had built TWO churches on an island with only one inhabitant. The man responded that the first is the church I go to; the second, the one I don't.

Anonymous said...

The first time I heard this was years ago delivered at the hasty pudding club by an unusual comedian who went under the name, I think, "Elmo". He also claimed to have caused an uproar when he appeared at the "Wailing Wall" with a harpoon.
Fr. D.

Conchur said...

Fr. D

The comedian was Emo Philips.

Fr Odhran-Mary TFSC said...

I wonder if the man's pastor used an old wood pulpit or a clear plexiglas pulpit.

Anonymous said...

That is the wonder of being a Catholic. One Church, one Faith. Past, present and until the consummation of the world.

Christine

Fr. Robert Hart said...

That's true Christine. And it is why we say the Nicene Creed, with the line about the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church. By the way, I cannot tell from your comment whether you are Catholic as an Anglican, Roman or Orthodox. Not that it matters.

John said...

Fr.
Hart since you raised it..
Why does the Nicene Creed omit the word "Holy" (One Catholic and Apostolic) while the Apostles Creed does not?
In most every church or Anglican gathering there is stumbling over whether to say "holy" quickly to fit in and some who read it as is!
Confusing.

Fr. Robert Hart said...

Frankly, the text used in the Book of Common Prayer ommited the word "holy" by mistake. It should be put back. As you can tell from their inclusion of the word in the Apostle's Creed, they were not denying the holiness of the Church. I really cannot defend the continued omission in subsequent editions.

Wandering Aramean said...

Or
"Are you Anglican Catholic Church (Original Province) or a Deerfield Beach schismatic?"

"Er, Anglican Church in America, part of the Traditional Anglican Communion, and the largest Anglican ecclesial body outside of the Canterbury un-communion."

"Die, heretic scum!"

eulogos said...

What troubles me about this is that it suggests that these tiny little issues we separate over make not one iota's worth of difference.

But once that iota made all the difference and merited the "Let him be anathema" which was declared on it.

Susan Pterson